We are Women, Hear Us Roar: Lesson from a Roommate

Last Sunday was an amazing day. I was honored with an award from The Ida B. Wells Living Learning Community at Mary Baldwin College.  As a part of Black History Month 2012, five women were recognized and received the REAL WOMEN REAL WISDOM AWARD.  Each of us was asked to share a “pearl of wisdom” with the girls in the Ida. B. Wells program.  I had several days to think about this and was overwhelmed with the thought of what I could actually share with the girls.  I have learned so much, and I wanted to pass on all of it, but I was asked to share just one thing. I finally settled on sharing an experience that I had sophomore year in college. 

So, I nervously stood before a group of wise women eager to share a “pearl of wisdom” and young college girls who listened intently as they absorbed the valuable lessons.

I told the story of my roommate, Julie.  She was one of my first roommates freshman year at JMU, and she was unlike any girl I had ever met.  Growing up in a house of a mother and five sisters, advice on how a woman/girl should act, including how to respect ourselves and how to demand respect from others, was not in short supply.  But Julie wasn’t in the business of just talking -she embodied all that it meant to be a strong, confident woman.  In fact, one of the first things I remember about her was a poster that she hung in her room….”I am woman, hear me ROAR.” 

“Hear you roar?” I thought, “what the heck does that mean.”

By sophomore year I'd have a better understanding.  Still roommates, I came back to the dorm to find Julie upset and stuffing things into a small cardboard box- a teddy bear, a photo, and several other trinkets.  When I inquired about what was going on, she explained that she was breaking up with her boyfriend because he was playing music that was disrespectful to women while she was in the car with him.  She explained that she had asked him to turn it off, but he didn’t. 

“That’s silly,” I thought. But today I admit that I was actually the silly one.  Silly for not seeing the importance of what she was doing, silly for not recognizing that she was demanding respect.

Looking back, I realize that this was the very first time that I had actually seen a woman demand and receive self-respect.  I had heard about how we should respect ourselves and have we should demand respect from others, but seeing how it worked first hand left an impression on me.  Julie gave her boyfriend an ultimatum- respect me or hit the road.  What an awesome skill to have at such a young age.

I am so grateful for being able to experience this situation. It served as a template for me later in life-not just for relationships but for life in general.  She didn’t give her decision a second thought.  She knew she deserved much more than that, and she wouldn’t settle for anything less.  So, for her, the decision was simple, pack up his things and end the relationship.  The simplicity of it all taught me that when someone isn’t treating you the way you feel you should be treated, then you should go the other way, and fast.  Or more in general, when something isn’t working for you, then you should get rid of it.  Not doing so immediately or delaying that decision compromises one’s self worth.

Instead of picking up his things, her boyfriend apologized and learned that he a prized possession that he wanted to keep.  And keep her he did; they are happily married now with a wonderful batch of kids!

So my message to the girls was to know your self-worth, demand respect, and don’t accept anything less!

Thank you Julie for your strength and example!